Birth partner cheat sheet: 5 ways your partner can help.
You’ve probably heard the good, the bad, and the ugly from friends and relatives. Here’s how to guide your partner to be the best support person they can be.
Email them this blog.
Seriously though. You’re doing the very important and laborious (no pun intended) job of growing a human. They can do this research themselves.
Now, partners, I’m talking to you.
Here are the top-line ways you can show up for your person - the person you love and adore most in the whole world who’s housing your precious child in their body.
You’re already on the way to being brilliant at this gig because you’re reading this, so let’s jump in.
1. Read, watch, and listen to the things she sends you.
I know there are other more interesting things on your phone, but when she sends you a podcast episode, article, or video, she’s telling you that these things matter to her. Therefore, they NEED to matter to you. You’ll get bonus points too if you engage with it without her having to ask you twice.
2. Get in the kitchen.
If you don’t normally cook, it’s time to embrace your Gordon Ramsey era. Jokes. You don’t have to cook to a professional level. But you do have to understand that cooking dinner involves deciding what to cook, checking what ingredients you already have, making a shopping list of what’s needed, going to the shops, buying the ingredients, preparing and cooking the meal, and cleaning up afterwards. So yes, it’s a lot. But if you’ve had this done for you in the past, now is the time to return the favour. Practice during pregnancy so you’re in your element by the time the postpartum period comes around.
3. Learn & practice labour strategies and comfort measures.
Not to scare you, but it’s very common to be left alone during labour. For long periods of time. Unless you have a doula, you won’t have a continuous person with you. The midwives and doctors will come in and out. So you need to actively take on the role of support person from the moment labour begins at home. That means being physically present, emotionally steady, and practically useful. Practice comfort positions, massage techniques, counter-pressure, and breathing with her. Know where the TENS machine pads go and pack extra batteries. Learn your birth plan so you can advocate for it. If you want to be her rock, this is what it looks like.
4. Protect her rest above all else.
After childbirth, your partner is physically depleted. Imagine growing a human for almost an entire year that takes all your nutrients and vitamin stores for itself, then, when you’re at peak discomfort and tiredness, you run a marathon. How she rests in the time afterwards can affect her health for decades to come. Your most important job during paternity leave is to create opportunities for her to rest and sleep. Take over all the household stuff for the first few weeks at least. Take the baby after a breastfeed so she can sleep. Do the overnight settling when you can. Don't wake her for anything that isn’t urgent.
5. Be an equal parent.
No one automatically knows how to look after a baby. Everyone’s winging it the first time. But ‘doing’ is the only way to build confidence. Aside from breastfeeding, you can do everything your partner does. Settling, changing nappies, taking baby for a walk, arranging check-ups, buying nappies, clothes, sterilising, and learning about your baby’s development. Don’t automatically hand the baby back to mum when it starts to get hard. Being in the discomfort is part of learning to be a great parent. You’ve got this!
5a. Take photos of your partner with your baby.
Capture all the moments you can of mum and baby together and save them in a special folder on your phone that you share with only your partner. This time is fleeting, and she will want to have images to look back on. Don’t wait to be asked, just get out your phone and snap away. Pics of them sleeping together, pics of her feeding your baby. Pics of them cuddling, her pushing the pram. It doesn’t matter what her hair looks like or if she’s smiling at the camera. Just take the pictures (and do your best to get a flattering angle). You have no idea the brownie points you can earn by doing this now and as your child grows.
Want my full partner cheat sheet that I share with clients? Comment ‘Partner’ on this Instagram Reel below.
Contact Kelly
If you have any questions or would like more info, I’d love to hear from you. Get in touch by clicking the button below and completing the contact form.
About Kelly Allen
My name is Kelly, and I’m a certified birth and postpartum doula who completed my training at the Doula Training Academy. I support women and birthing people in the North Shore of Sydney, helping you enter and emerge from birth and the fourth trimester feeling physically and emotionally well.